The famous "Quote Book"...online!

The online quote book must begin with the most infamous quote of all times. However, in regards to the "book" in it's entirety, some of the quotes are are thoughtful or profound, but most of them are funny and entertaining. Some of the quotes are from television or movies but most of them are from casual conversation among people I know. Some of the quotes...well, you simply had to be there and if you were you understand. Every quote is cited with a source, typically a first name, initials or a handle. The date is given in cases where it was recorded. This is the first time these have ever been complied and I have been collecting them for nearly a decade so enjoy!

"What...did I sleep with you or something?!?!?"
-Dave

"There exists no statute of limitations on deceit."
-Me, 5/30/08

"That's the problem when you break up with someone is that you always miss their pets."
-Tracy

“Animals are such agreeable friends — they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.”
-unknown

"My phone has issues when I'm drunk."
-Me

"You can never have too much potato in you."
-Celeste

"It's the same book with a different cover."
-Tim

"It's not the seis that counts but how the quake shakes the Earth"
-unknown

"I will end up somewhere."
-Cholzer

"I'm going out searching for the gnomes."
-Celeste

"That's not how Italian families work; you fuckin' like everyone whether you like it or not!"
-Celeste 6/9/00

"I mean, you can't make fun of people for being mutants."
-Rachel

"If you insist!"
-Rachel & I in unison

"I'm half dork...on my father's side."
-Me

"..when 2 people end something neither one wants to end.. it can't be nice."
-Booha 5/3/07

"...its never just sex when its that good...just sex isn't that good."
-Booha 3/11/07

"This moment of sanity is brought to you by some fantastic pharmaceuticals."
-Me

"Cheese, when it's heated and then it cools, is supposed to do really nasty things to you."
-Neil

"He's a happy, fat guy."
-Tracy

"It's not going to happen tonight...my cock is NOT coming out of my pants!"
-Dan

"He thinks he shits ice cream."
-Jen

"You probably shouldn't give your monkey large quantities of cool whip."
-Mandy

"I either have to marry a rich woman or work real hard." (Talking about student loans.)
-Jeff J(?) 11/9/00

"Do not ever email me with stupid-speak ever again!"
-Wendy 2/24/08

"Ya know, I'm not religious so I can fuck all I want to!"
-Janelle

"All I want is pee and water"
-Cassie

"So we asked them if they were hookers and they laughed because they knew that they're hookers."
-Dan 7/9/00

"Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, fuck it!"
-Jen 8/21/06

"Can you get carpel-tunnel in your mouse finger?"
-Brain H 3/29/04

"I told you I bowled with the Munchkins didn't I?"
-Bill K 11/11/04

"scars ARE tattoos...just with better stories"
-Booha 10/12/07

"I'd rather deal with a genuine asshole than someone trying to be an asshole."
-Me 11/5/04

"You know what really frosts my cookie?!?"
-Lisa 11/2004

"I told the bitch off...nicely."
-Troy 4/1/04

"How would you kill a stuffed animal if it became alive?"
-Chris

"I don't make threats. I just predict the future."
-Chris 5/16/04

"That sign said shut my monkey down!"
-Chris 7/2002 (believed he didn't need glasses) The sign actually said, Stop my mommy works here.

"I remember when I'd come home like this and have 15 minutes to sleep before work. And those 15 minutes went by like 15 minutes."
-Chris 5/12/01

"The good things that come to those who wait are just the leftovers from those who got there first."
-unknown

"It is the things in common that make relationships enjoyable. But it is the little differences that make them interesting."
-Todd Ruthman

"The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as in playing a poor hand well."
-H.T. Leslie

"If at first you succeed, try something harder.
-random fortune cookie message

"I think therefore I'm single."
-KDFRG(?)

"Theorem: If he makes you cry more than he makes you orgasm, the man's got to go."
-Me 2/2008

"Maybe you would have more time if you stopped playing with your 84s."
-Jared

"Live as you would have wished to live when you come to die."
-Gellert(?)

"I wish I could speak cat." (With a look of seriousness) "No really, my dad has a lot of cats!"
-Steve

"Damn cat hair makes everything so non-adhesive!"
-Mandy 2/8/06

"If I do cheat it will only be with one person so that it is monogamous...because that's not cheating.
-Aimee

"I think I'd rather be a hooker...then at least we could be honest about the fact that I'm getting paid to be fucked!"
-Me

"Straight men don't use coasters."
-Jen P 3/28/06

"...you know someone who looks like they've lived their life in a bar? And not like a nice bar but a really seedy one."
-Celeste 3/17/07

"I'm not working! There's cake!!!"
-Adam J 7/30/04

"I'm not being critical. I'm empowering you."
-unknown

"Dating is the gateway drug to heavy shit like cohabitation and marriage."
-Me

"What if the nice, fat girl rejects me? Then I am truly a horrible, undateable person!"
-Dan 11/6/00

"How DO they test condemns?"
-Dan

"Toast, toast is the most, that is why I love the toast."
-Erin

"Lickin' the crack rock."
-Celeste

(Me)"Wow, you have a good memory."
(Him)"Yeah, I eat a lot of fish."
-Tino

"I will fuck you for a turkey."
-Chris 11/2/01

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
-unknown

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are"
-unknown

"I have failed at many things. But I have attempted more than most dare try"
-Me 10/10/07

"No man is a failure who is enjoying life."
-William Feather

"Life was too short to dwell on nightmares instead of dreams."
-Dean Koontz

"Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body"
-Sir Richard Steele

"I want like, a career or something."
-"Sammy" - Reality Bites

"Breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can't do it with one push. You have to rock it back and forth a couple of times first."
-Seinfeld

"For every inch your skirt is above your knee, the more they underestimate you."
-"Tiffany" - Happily Ever After

"Stroke a man's cock, he's yours for the night. Stoke his ego, and he's yours forever."
-"Grace" - Perfect Stranger

"I went to bed at one. I was still wide awake at two-thirty... There were no words left. We'd said them all. After we made love, I knew it was over. Did I really love Big? Or was I addicted to the pain? The exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable? I wanted to go to him, but I felt like I was tied to the chair. Some part of me was holding me back, knowing I had gone too far, reached my limit."
-"Carrie Bradshaw" - Sex and the City - "La Douleur Exquise""

My Senior Quote (JKF class of '95)
"People expect the impossible from me...
...and they usually get it." - unknown