Convenience Store Clerk - REAL job description

This one has been laying around for a while now, just waiting to be posted. It is perhaps the most hilarious thing I have ever written. However, you need to have previously worked in a convenience store in order to really appreciate it. AND, if you have...this is just a warning: you may possibly pee your pants laughing. Seriously, this is some good shit.

Ø Make customers your first priority putting them before secondary obligations such as ringing telephones, vendors or other tasks needing completion. Every effort should be made to wait on customers immediately.

Ø Greet each customer with a smile and hello as soon as they enter the store.

Ø Look each customer in the eye during their transaction.

Ø Handle all transactions with speed and accuracy.

Ø Learn how to make change fro $100 bill with no more than $75 in your drawer.

Ø Listen to the customers and provide feedback to the manger…typically about such whiney topics as the one missing lottery ticket from your inventory on a given day.

Ø Follow proper procedure for selling age restricted products. Be prepared to handle temper tantrums when you have to decline a sale because the customer appears to be about 20 years old but for some reason didn’t think they needed to carry ID.

Ø Be friendly, helpful, patient and polite when dealing with customers. Maintain a positive attitude at all times…even when they are screaming at you because they don’t know how to pump gas or because they mistakenly believe that you are personally responsible for the pre-pay policy that nearly every gas station in existence possesses.

Ø Thank all customers for their business.

Ø Be able to identify every make and model of every vehicle of every year so that when a customer throws money at you and says, “Twenty dollars on the Lexus GS350,” you will immediately know to which of the eight vehicles outside they are referring.

Ø In your spare time, drive around the neighborhood of your station. Do this until you can with certainty give directions to ANY street or location within a 20 mile radius. NOTE: It may just be easier to have a GPS device permanently embedded in your brain.

Ø Be knowledgeable about all products, services and promotions being offered in the store. Point out specials or promotions that will provide value to customers.

Ø Familiarize yourself with all lotto/lottery games. Know how to fill out playing cards, the different ways to play numbers and how each game wins and pays out. Understand how to read and play each and every scratch-off ticket. Try to memorize which tickets customers have won on through-out the day, how much they won and if possible the number of their ticket. It is also helpful to know which tickets are “good ones” to play.

Ø Memorize the prices of EVERY product in the store so that when a customer holds up an item from across the store and yells, “how much is this,” you can answer promptly and correctly which they can then verify by looking at the price tag right in front of them.

Ø As soon as possible you should personally sample EVERY product in the store so that you may confidently answer questions like, “is this good” and “do these really work?”

Ø Complete your general work list and additional assigned tasks.

Ø Consistently maintain the inside and outside of your store to ensure a clean, safe and positive environment for all customers and team members.

Ø Especially be absolutely certain that your property is free of weeds so that when the store is shown on the news because of a robbery, the landscape at least looks nice.